Nonkey Songwriting Technique Part 2

So, where was I? Ahh, yes. I've had the idea, I've written the lyrics. Now I have to write the music.

Musical inspiration can come to me at anytime. And when it comes, it comes in a flash, without warning. I have to sieze the moment, grab my guitar and work out the melody before it is gone forever. I've lost count of the number of times I've had a number one hit single in my head but I've forgotten it before I've had time to wipe my arse and flush the bog (forget washing your hands).

It normally starts with an idea (my idea) for a melody. The melody has to be catchy, something that people will sing along to. I am the Master of Melody. Then, it's a case of fitting a guitar chord sequence around the melody. I am the Master of Chords Sequences.

Nige' (the less talented Nonkey) has an limited range of 'vocal stylings' he can call upon, depending on the syle of the song. He tends to favour 'straight' singing in the key of A, or thereabouts. I call this the 'Key to The Safe'. If we stick to A we can be pretty sure most notes will be within Nige's range (ie there won't be much vocal talent required). And there'll definately be no anal prolapse when Nige' struggles for the high notes. I remember one time we tried to record a song in the key of Bb, but when Nige' reached for the high note I had to put my fist up his arse to ensure he did not lose his internal organs. (Or was that just a dream I had?)

Actually, Bb is fine if he applies the mallet-to-the-spacehoppers-Bee-Gees technique, and G is OK for that Bob-Dylan-out-of-key-can't-sing-for-toffee effect which Nige' seems to want to perpetuate the use of on all Nonkey songs.

Anyhow, back to the chords. The catchy chorus is what it's all about. If there's a chorus to be sung, it has to be catchy and happy (I am the Master of the Catchy Happy Chorus). That means keeping the chord sequence simple and avoiding those melancholy Minor chords.

The formula is:

Key to the Safe=A
Catchy=Simple Chords.
Happy=Major Chords.

(Key to The Safe) * (Catchy + Happy) * p = NONKEY CLASSIC

Where p is the special factor, I like to call 'Peter Magic'. Heh?