New Album Hits the Skids

Another song writing Monday evening came and went. No fervent tappety-tap of computer keyboard, not guffawing at our own genius, no marvelling at how we managed to shoe-horn obscure words into an impossible rhyme.

The fertile minds that once bore Nonkey fruit have dried up. We are in the midst of a comedy drought. Not since 1976 have we faced such hardship. If this continues we will need to install stand-pipes.

For 3 hours we sat there, in the music room, staring at each other. All Nige' could come up with was a idea to write a song called 'You Are Shit'. I had an idea to write a song about 'Big Naturals'. We laughed at the thought of a song called 'Big Naturals History Museum'. And that was it. Total waste of time. We need inspiration. Anyone?

Nonkey Songwriting Technique Part 3 - DRUMS

So, we've (I've) written lyrics to 'I Table A Motion', and Nige' has tweeked them (ie removed some of the words cos he thinks it's a physical impossibility to get all of the syllables to scan - where as I think he's just lazy).

We've got the formula (Key to The Safe) * (Catchy + Happy) * p = NONKEY CLASSIC
Where p is the special factor, 'Peter Magic'.

We already know the Key to The Safe is going to be 'A'. We've devised a happy major chord progression of 'E', 'A', 'D' (and we've added a bit of spice to the D Chord by leaving one finger off and playing an 'E' note). And we've decided on a Ska-style song.

Next we need to lay down the drum track. We could get a drummer in, but they never keep perfect time. So we program the track via midi, beat by beat in Tracktion. OR we find a previously programmed, like-style midi song on the Internet and use the drum sequence from that. For this song we took 'Baggy Trousers' by Madness as the basis for the drum sequence. We lifted a short 2 bar section to give us a basic bass drum, snare drum, hi-hat sequence to provide is with our drum template.

As Sweet As My Come. To be continued.

Isn't Spam A Wonderful Thing?

Hey, I'm a lucky geezer, ain't I? It's amazing how many emails I get from people I don't know -- and they're all offering me amazing things; Knock down prices on Viagra and dirt cheap penis enlargement pills -- their market research is amazing! The only way they'd know I have a small, flacid dick would be if they'd surveryed my old girlfriends. Smart people.

But the best emails have to be from Mister Umbongo in Nigeria. His last dying wish seems to be for me to have the small fortune he's accumulated legitimately though accountancy fraud. Come on, how could anybody refuse such a wonderful opportunity? And I've been chosen for my trustworthiness and for my closeness to Godliness. Who has Mr Umbongo been speaking to to know I'm such an upstanding pillar of the community?

Anyway, these great unsolicited offers inspired the new Nonkey song 'Switch off Your Spam Filters'. Great song, great spam.

Keep diggin' the Nonkeys!