The Nonkeys New Drummer Announced

Here he is. The most mature drummer the Nonkeys have ever had. Ollyfunk will be playing the drums for the Nonkeys at all forthcoming gig (if his mum let's him stay up beyond bed time).

Rock 'n' roll, huh?

Dr Clive Umbogo

Hey, fans. Lastnight we finished recording the vocals for 'Switch Off Your Spam Filter'. The original song was a 3 minute classic, but Nige' had this idea to add a middle section recital by one of the characters in the song, Doctor Clive Umbogo. Now the song is 7 minutes long!

Here's the script to whet your appetite...we recorded it in one take, mistakes and laughter all included. I laughed so much I wet myself. Luckily I was sitting on Nige's executive chair. Now whenever he sits down at his PC, he gets a waft of my stale urine phuffing up between his legs. Some people would pay a fortune for that privilege.

Dear friend,
I got your email address through interest browsing in my search for a reliable and truth worthy person who will assist me in a business investment venture in your country.

My name is Doctor Clive Umbogo, diplomatic attache’ to Prince Fakir Wotamofo the elder son of the late King Wotamofo the II whose demise occur following a brief illness. After the death of King Wotamofo, The Honourable Prince Fakir was deposed as civil unrest swept my country. I was authorised and officially known as the executor of the Wotamofo family fortune according to African Traditional rite.

Most of King Wotamofo's wealth, a not insubstantial sum in excess of 30 million US dollars resides in an offshore account.

I seek your most reliable and loyal assistance in transferring the funds to British soil where I will soon visit. You will collect a 10% transfer fee for your hard work and aid in this delicate matter
Please forward you bank account details to me at your earliest convenience for a mutually beneficial transaction.

Yours sincerely
Dr Clive Umbogo

The Boys

The Nonkey Brothers, handsome dudes huh?

WANTED: HCD GSOH WLTM UAHAT

Hilarious Comedy Duo, Good Sense of Humour, Would Like To Meet Unique and Humorous Album Title.

We need a title for the new album. Any suggestions?

I quite like "Standing On The Toes of Midgets".

Return of the Funky Guitar Jedi

Whoa! I'm goooooood. I just peed-in-a-ma-pants; it's the return of the Funky Guitar Jedi.

Just recorded two guitar solos to America Tourettes Doctor. One guitar plays the solo, then a second harmony guitar come's in and.....ooooo.....as sweet as my nuts. '59 Gibson Les Paul standard through a Marshall amplifier. Thick plectrum, quick fingers and a whole lotta guitar magic. Put's Nige's p-poor vocals well 'n' truly in the shade.

Statu-fication Pertaining - New Album

So, here's the current status of the album. We've been beavering away and cranking 'em out ;-)

We've got 16 songs written...

1. American Tourettes Doctor, 2. Babes with Bazookas, 3. Big Naturals History Museum, 4. Dodgey Roger Hodges, 5. The Unscrupulous Fishmongers Daughter, 6. Grab A Granny, 7. I Table A Motion, 8. Lady Lemonade, 9. Would You Like A Punch In The Face? 10. Switch Off Your Spam Filter, 11. Special Glue, 12. Wrong Place in Cyberspace, 13. York Honey Pie, 14. The Piggy Wiggy Song, 15. Dic Tato, 16. Humongous Butt Fungus

Nige has done the vocals for (1), (2), (3), (4), (7), (8), (9), (14), (15) and (16). The Very Reverend has done keyboards for (1), (2) and (3). Blind Lemon is working on (8). For my part, I have done awesome guitar solos for (1) and (2) and superb harmony vocals on (7).

We're getting closer to completion. Keep the faith.

Blind Lemon and the Very Reverend

Ladies and Gentlemen, it gives us great pleasure to introduce you to the guys that polish our metaphorical turd, the guys that tinkle the immitation ebonies and ivories: the keyboard players.

Blind Lemon Mikey is so called because he is neither blind nor lemon-like. He was however, christened "Michael" and we feel that's a good enough reason to call him Mikey (it's kinda cuddly, don't you think?)

Mikey has been the primary tinkler since the inception of the Nonkey Brothers and feature on almost all of the Nonkeys previous albums. Mikey brings a phychotic avante-garde jazz-fusionist soundscape to otherwise ordinary songs. He is the inventor and patent holder for the C#Major13-augmented18 chord, which he found by accident whilst running his elbows over his keyboard. Mikey lives in North Wales with his partner, Sheepy.

Similarly, the Very Reverend Nev is named thus, because he is not a member of any ordained clergy but he is called "Neville". The Very Reverend brings an interesting 'looseness' to keyboard playing -- he can be as much as a quaver behind the rest of the music.

Together, Blind Lemon and the Very Reverend add an interesting combination of juices to the mix.